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Oct. 4th, 2014

09:00 am - For svashtar

Because rar.

Oct. 2nd, 2014

02:12 pm - Old News

A little-known clause of the Geneva Convention requires that for every fad to come along, there must be an 80-year-old grandmother into it.

I can recall since the 1970s “Surfing Granny,” “Skateboard Granny,” “Rapping Granny,” “Breakdancing Granny,” “Internet Granny” and “Pot-Smoking Granny.” Probably others I can’t recall, or have blocked from memory.

This is to guarantee a steady stream of fluff news pieces for weather reporters before they give the daily forecast. I suspect the stations keep a list of elderly women on retainer for just this purpose.

Though “LARP Combat Granny” would be pretty cool.

Sep. 12th, 2014

12:18 pm - BLAT2

People evolved eating X. Therefore, eating Y is bad for you.

Variant of “appeal to nature” fallacy.

Y may be bad for you, but it’s not a foregone conclusion.

  1. Just because something is non-optimal doesn’t make it pessimal.

  2. Ancestors eating X doesn’t mean it’s healthy, just that it was available. Humans and proto-humans have an adaptable gut that’s also subsisted on bugs and rats and stuff. Healthy?

Sep. 11th, 2014

06:56 pm - BLAT

When someone tells me evolution isn’t true because evidence is easily faked but they can feel in their heart that God is real…first I ask them to show me a magic trick, any magic trick. Then I call them stupid and ugly. I don’t mean it, of course. What was that about lax perception and infallible emotions again?

Sep. 9th, 2014

12:57 pm - How NOT to technology

Took trip on local bus line, got charged transbay fare (driver had switch in wrong position). Called, got refunded, fine. I also suggest that HUNDREDS of other riders probably got screwed, maybe their database person could cross-reference the lines and fares and refund these automatically, should only take a couple minutes. Was told it's my responsibility to check the switch (on the driver's dashboard) before I tag my card. Not their responsibility to operate the system non-fraudlently, no. My responsibility.

Boggle.

So I email Customer Service, mention the same, suggest they make a couple line fix in their software, automatically filter out transbay charges on local routes because it's not even physically possible. Should only take a couple minutes. Response?

"It is up to the patron to check their account periodically to ensure the correct fares are being charged"

No. It is their responsibility to ensure the correct fares are being charged. Not mine. I'm not the one operating a public bus service.

Once I figure out who to report these idiots to, I'm reporting them. Should only take a couple minutes.

Sep. 7th, 2014

04:14 pm - Give the Past a Slip

I’m getting a vibe that some of the other Serious Krampus Troupe Performers™ dislike my suit because it’s not “traditional.”

Tradition is the hand-me-downs of what people did with what they had when they had it, nothing god-given. Dead goats were de rigueur in the 1600s. It’s now 2014, we have LEDs and resin and fake fur. It’s time for new traditions.

Aug. 16th, 2014

08:53 am - “Solving society’s problem of a lack of wearable dinosaurs”

Tricera Hi-Tops.

Jul. 22nd, 2014

01:50 am - Are we there yet?

100 days to Halloween.

Because rar.

Jul. 21st, 2014

12:32 am - Minions

So I was at FantasyCon. Suiting as Krampus. Without a handler, because they were all at dinner and I needed my fix, man! I’m sure this comes as a surprise to nobody.

It was toward the end of the day…things had quieted down, I was pretty much done rarring and had stepped out into a sort of open lobby area before heading back to the hotel. There I was accosted by three small children, I’d guesstimate ranging from 4-ish to 7-ish in age. Boy, girl, boy.

“Are you a goat?”

*shakes head*

“A werewolf?”

*shakes head*

“A wookiee?”

*shakes head*

“Then WHAT ARE YOU?”

Not wanting to break character, and not having a convenient handler, I was trying to figure out how to pantomime the entire Story of Krampus but it was clearly not going to work. Well…fine then. Normally I wouldn’t do this but these kids seemed pretty “geek smart,” they were themselves in various costumes running around a convention center at 9pm…they’ve done this before, and admitting the guy-in-a-costume thing won’t shatter their world. So I kneel down and make a “huddle” gesture, and speak quietly to them. “I’m not supposed to talk, but…”

Given their tender ages, I offer a slightly sanitized version of the Krampus folklore, mentioning Austria but conveniently leaving out the bits about drowning kids in the river or dragging them to Hell and eating them. “Saint Nick doesn’t dirty his hands with coal for the naughty kids. That’s my job. And if they’re really, really bad…” waving my switch, “…they get spanked.”

Without missing a beat, the girl points at her older brother. “HIT HIM! HE’S HORRIBLE!

I know better than to get in the middle of family disputes. I handed her the switch and let nature take its course.

Jul. 19th, 2014

10:50 pm - "Who sneezed in your arpeggio?"

Recommended replacement for the well-worn "who pissed in your Wheaties?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk9cF6bweng&t=4m45s

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